This was never going to last. My (most recent) case of genital crabs was around for longer than this asshat of a couple. My special vajay shampoo from the doctor got rid of them, and the same was used to soothe the genital itching I got from looking at this pair of clowns. Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi, the couple from the most recent season of The Bachelor, have broken up. Pavelka, 32, picked his slut-tastic mate, 24, over slightly more virginal girls and all seven people watching the finale went into a YouTube-ready state of apoplexy. She was a divorcee who’d acted a damn fool in college, which was gleefully immortalised on film, and she dated a drug lord. The split has been confirmed to OK!, which is kind of like saying it was confirmed to one of my pet crabs (I’m not one for animal cruelty… though I have no idea whether they’re actual little animals… but, I’m still keeping them in a fish tank styled to look like Bikini Bottom).
Image credit to Juan Rico/ WIC/ Jixxer/ MOE/ Fame Pictures. Story The HuffPo.
