Right after Wolf Blitzer browbeat a tornado survivor into ‘thanking the Lord’ on air, only for her to admit she is actually an Atheist, comes a bunch of other names who are sending prayers to people with no homes, no clothes, and no food. It turns out, prayers are fine and all but they don’t actually solve the immediate problem. Angered by celebrities sending 140 characters worth of prayers–with no immediate public declaration of also sending money–Ricky Gervais sent 140 characters worth of vitriol to the same Internet that pissed him off in the first place. Passively using the Internet to mock celebrities who passively use the Internet, Gervais re-tweeted ‘@MTV News Beyonce, Rihanna and Katy Perry send prayers to Oklahoma’… I feel like an idiot now, I only sent money… Praying for something but not doing anything to make it happen has the same effect as writing to Santa & not letting mummy read the letter.’
Up until very recently, shows like American Idol in particular had so many prime time viewers that competing networks would play re-runs and refuse to broadcast anything more substantial against them. Knowing they would get killed in the ratings. This year, conversely, shows like Idol are being beaten in the ratings by Big Bang Theory re-runs so no one really cares anymore. The X Factor isn’t doing much better. Its ratings and popularity are waning and its solution in 2012 was to throw money at the problem by paying Britney Spears $15 million to use auditions to fill time in between taking her meds. Add to that Khloe Kardashian and it was a complete flop. So they’re cleaning house and hiring people they’re pretty much marketing as ‘the poor man’s Beyonce and Shakira’ because… well. According to The Hollywood Reporter, new X Factor judges Kelly Rowland and Paulina Rubio will earn far, far lower than judges on seasons one or two. Reportedly, Rowland will be paid $1 million and Rubio will get $1.5 million. And it all matters because ad revenue also dropped from ‘$502 million in  to $386 million in 2012.’
According to everyone with eyes, Lindsay Lohan basically partied until the morning she was supposed to check into the fake rehab chosen by Lionel Hutz. She’s cleaned up her act a little since going into real rehab–Betty Ford–under the stewardship of real lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley. Sources who have their ears pressed to the outside of the rehab with a little glass say Lohan is falling apart without the ability to self-medicate and she’s comfort eating instead of taking her beloved Adderall. And she’s jonesing particularly badly because she allegedly did a bunch of drugs shortly before checking herself in. Says some random dude who used to be her dealer. ‘Lindsay still wants to party,’ said David ‘DJ’ Joseph. ‘But she feels going to rehab saves face in the eyes of the public.’ He adds, as Lohan’s ‘longtime drug dealer,’ he can corroborate Piers Morgan’s assertion that Lohan lied about her drug use in a recent interview. ‘I saw her take a bump more than [the purported four of five times] when she tested out my deliveries,’ said Joseph. ‘It is another example of how much denial she is in.’ Adding that HE walked away from HER because the consumption was just too much… ‘Lindsay wasn’t monitoring what she was taking, and there were lots of enablers around, so I had to walk away,’ claims DJ, who also says Lohan purchased ‘$10,000 to $15,000 [of] coke and Molly, or extra-pure pharmaceutical ecstasy’ that he can personally account for. ‘I feared she would do a line of coke after some pills and then be dead … I am not in the business of helping people kill themselves.’
How the f**k did I get like this? – Kimmode on where babies come from.
By her own admission, Kimmode cannot remember Princess Kanye’s pretty face unless a member of the media is there to document their meeting for posterity. And she spent most of her protracted divorce and difficult pregnancy alone–for example, she recently took a ‘romantic trip’ to Paris sightseeing and doing the lovers’ padlock thing… with her mother. Because Princess Kanye already put 18 years worth of child support in the mail and, besides, he doesn’t do vacations. And so of course the new trailer for Keeping Up with the Kardashians shows the communal Kimmode complaining about how much pregnancy stuff completely sucks (in fairness, she’s kind of watching her language since Snooki was a little more honest calling all the tearing, pooping and vomiting ‘disgusting’).
A few times now, I’ve mentioned offhand that whatever Amanda Bynes is going through right now reminds me of whatever Britney Spears went through immediately after shaving her head a few years ago. Adding that if Spears had access to things like Twitter at the time, she would have had an entire Instagram/ Twitter documenting her own breakdown too. Except it appears Bynes is really reading from the 2006-7 playbook that’s not even a real book–just some shapes drawn in crayon on toilet paper. Remember, Spears was so isolated she would spend evenings doing destructive things and invite paparazzi to watch because she was friendless, retinue-less, and desperate for the company. Well… Bynes is basically doing the same thing by inviting tabloid paps to her empty house (remember that Lindsay Lohan’s house was basically empty, also, for some time) to watch her do drugs and take meta-selfies. According to In Touch, Bynes is all bruised up and her house is barely-furnished and devoid of personalisation unless you count random drug paraphernalia everywhere. I can’t… full story here.
EDIT: Bynes ALREADY issued a rebuttal: ‘This ugly faced woman @JessicaFinnNYC is the one who bought fake photos of me & put that picture that looks nothing like me on the cover!’ She adds: ‘That’s not my bed! Those aren’t my toes! My toes are pedicured! I just did an exclusive interview with intouch last week, now they bought fake altered photos by that ugly black man in the photo or someone who knows him! They used an old shot of me on the cover with a bad angle of my old nose before I had surgery to reshape my profile and to remove the webbing from my eyes. I have to sue because that’s not my apartment, those aren’t my clothes! They morphed photos of my face onto someone’s body to ruin my life! I have to make a big deal of this and sue because that’s not me! I care about my appearance so I have to defend myself! I look like a different person now that I had surgery! Why did they put an old shot of me on the cover? I don’t look like that anymore! I only want photos of my gorgeous new nose on the cover of tabloids and real magazines! The photos in this issue are fake and mocked up! I don’t care enough to keep talking about it. Just assume that I f**ked the boyfriend of the editor of intouch because they f**king hate me!